just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
