Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
