just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
