that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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