I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
