Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
