I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
