I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
