How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
