Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
