I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
