FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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