She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
