I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
