I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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