we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
