He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
