Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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