just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
