My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
try to milk me bitch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
