dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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