he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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