I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My bed smells like the plague
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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