it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
