you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
