Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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