So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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