just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
