Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
