i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
