Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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