Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
