Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
