You made me cry and you don't even care
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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