put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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