Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize