Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
