so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Randomize
