i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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