i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
