and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
