I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
