how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
