Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize