I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
