Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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