new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
