Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
