Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
