I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
as a side note pls kill me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
