There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I did not marry a roomba.
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