My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
