a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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