So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
