So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
