There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
