seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
