please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
