I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
