When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
