wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
