I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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