i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize