i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
