when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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