So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
