i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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