Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
