You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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