Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
