he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
