Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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