dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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