i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize