SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
