my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
