i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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