How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
