she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
