She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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