I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
