I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
