this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
