Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
