I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Terrible idea I love it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
