Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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