I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
